Let’s expand the concepts from two previous posts. There is an idea present in many cultures that says a gift should be consumed. This is literally true with some gifts and metaphorically true for others. If someone gives you a pie you should eat it. You should not sell it in the local county fair. Similarly, if someone gives you corn you should eat it. You should not “invest” it by planting it for next year’s harvest. Sometimes consuming a gift isn’t so literal, like when someone plays a song for you on the piano. The gift of music is experienced and then it’s gone. Sarah brought up an excellent example when she talked about the woman who anointed Christ’s feet with oils. That was a consumed gift and no one benefited monetarily.
More specifically though, a gift is consumed in the giving: it is no longer something the giver has. After it has been given the gift does not directly benefit the giver. This is why a gift shouldn’t carry an implied obligation to reciprocate. This is what separates giving something and selling something. So what do you think- should the gift be consumed, or can it be invested by the receiver (as in the case with planting corn)? Should the receiver be obligated to “return the favor” or is he off the hook because of the nature of The Gift?
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I see the problem when the museum sold their gifted art but I don't see anything wrong with planting the corn. Or investing birthday money. I guess that's because I don't think the giver has communicated any expectations with those gifts. If grandma said, "use this for a new outfit" and then I invested the money instead, maybe there's a problem. If the corn giver said, "Eat this" or served it to me cooked and buttered, I would definitely not try to plant it. So I guess in my mind, the correct way to use the gift depends on the expectations of the giver.
ReplyDeleteI think receiving gifts can be complex. (Hence I was scared of bridal showers.) I mean, consumable gifts like food seem easy because you either use them or throw them away and probably the giver never knows. (Unless they're watching you take a bite. In which case, you should do your best to eat and compliment the cook.)
Trouble for me comes when it's that collectible stuff that could be sentimental or not. Like a stuffed animal. When you're 14 and a boy you have a crush on gives you a bear for valentine's day, that's just fantastic and you love that bear with all your young girl heart. But when you start to gather a large collection of stuffed animals from various people on whom you have no crush, you might want to just throw them out. This is probably okay assuming the gift giver didn't pour a little of their soul into that stuffed thing and decide to check up on it. That's when lying is the moral option right? (Unless it's from a 14 year old boy who has a crush on you and hopes you return the affection in which case lying would be leading him on and that's not good.)
What was this about again?
Oh yeah, and I don't think it's good to give a gift expecting one in return. And I also don't think it's good to go around accepting gifts and never giving.
Here's my theory on gifting. It matters what the giver intends with it (of course) but as the giver, I think it's wrong to expect the receiver to do anything with it. i.e. I give you a footbath. You may a) use it daily b) put it in the dungeon and forget you own it c) stash it in your re-gift pile or d) smash it with a hammer when you need a little stress relief.
ReplyDeleteI as the giver can choose to be offended by any (or all) of the actions above, or I can recognize that all I did was give you something and leave it up to you what to do with it. My intention in giving it was to make your life easier/better in some way. If that means smashing it with a hammer, it has served its purpose through stress relief. If it is re-gifted, it has served its purpose through making you not have to buy a new gift. You know?
So, I guess I believe in giving people stuff without expecting anything. Not a gift in return. Not "proper consumption" of the gift. And not money or a thank you card. Just take the gift, say thank you, and move on with your life. You know?